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The unspoken strain a baby can place on even the strongest relationship. No one talks about what happens to a relationship after the baby arrives. The shift is slow, quiet…and devastating if you’re not ready for it.
Statistics show that up to 20% of relationships break down within the first year of parenthood, and up to 40% within the first five years.
Don’t fall into the statistic.
We talk a lot about baby blues, postnatal depression, sleepless nights and cluster feeds.
What we don’t talk about is how much a baby can quietly chip away at your relationship without either of you noticing, until it’s almost too late.
I’ve worked with families for years as a child development specialist.
I thought I knew what to expect.
But when I became a mum for the first time even I wasn’t prepared.
Our baby girl arrived bang on her due date. No drama. No complications.
We brought her home and settled into what felt like the start of a beautiful new chapter.
But within a few days… things changed.
She became everything.
My every thought was consumed with her:
Was the room the perfect temperature to the degree?
Was she sleeping to the minute?
Was my husband holding her right, changing her properly, doing it like I would?
I became obsessed. And I couldn’t even see it.
I was overstimulated, overworked, and sleep deprived… but still didn’t recognise how far I’d spiralled.
Our relationship began to suffer quietly.
We went from being fun, close, and passionate to distant housemates passing each other in survival mode.
I didn’t want to be touched. I didn’t want affection.
Sex? Non-existent.
What I didn’t realise was that my husband was slipping into depression.
He felt unwanted, not just by me, but by his daughter, who only ever cried for Mum.
“I left helpless…like being in my own home just made life worse”
The light at the end of the tunnel
It wasn’t until a whole year later that things finally shifted.
My hormones started to settle, and he noticed a flicker of the old me returning.
Only then could we have the conversations we’d both needed.
He told me everything.
He’d had tearful chats with his mum about how he felt like he’d gained a daughter but lost his wife.
How lonely he’d been.
How close he’d come to not being able to keep going.
And honestly? I broke down.
I was devastated to hear how much he’d been holding in.
But I was also grateful.
Because he stuck it out.
He stood firm.
Even when I pushed him away he made the choice to stay.
He weathered the storm I didn’t know I was creating, hoping he’d get me back someday.
We talked for hours. Days. Weeks.
About everything… hormones, expectations, how we’d fix this together.
By the time we had our second baby, we were ready.
Still tired. Still human. Still battling hormones.
But wiser. More connected. On the same team.
We knew what we were heading into and we both took our battle stations.
This whole experience taught me something I didn’t expect.
Even with all my knowledge and training… I didn’t see it coming.
It doesn't end after the baby stage
People often talk about surviving the baby bubble, but what they don’t tell you is that children continue to test your relationship at every stage.
It’s not just the sleep deprivation of a newborn. It’s the toddler tantrums. The school drop-offs. The mental load. The growing opinions and the everyday logistics of family life.
You think the hardest part is over… until the next phase begins.
That’s why this attitude of digging your heels in together has to become a long-term agreement, not just something you cling to in the newborn haze.
It needs to be your couple’s mantra.
Choosing each other again and again, even when it’s not easy. Checking in when the days blur. Giving each other grace when you’re both running on empty.
Because your relationship deserves attention too. And when you protect that, you’re also protecting your family.
An older and wiser us
Now for any new parents, my biggest advice would be this…
Dads –
Prepare for a rough ride.
She’ll change. She won’t always want you near.
But be her rock, even when she doesn’t ask for it.
Be unmovable.
Dig your heels in.
One day, she’ll come back and thank you for it.
Mums –
Your hormones won’t just affect your feelings.
They’ll cloud your perspective, your sense of self, your ability to connect.
You won’t always feel in control — but in the moments you do, remind him who he’s waiting for.
Because he misses you. And you will come back.
No one really talks about how much love and pain can sit side by side in early parenthood. But if you do the hard work, together the love can win.
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