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The Questioning Never Stops
Sometimes, I find myself looking at my daughter — mid-meltdown, mid-sass, mid-something — and wondering:
“Is she doing this because of something I’ve done? Or not done?”
“Am I creating this behaviour?”
“Am I failing?”
The self-questioning never stops. And lately, it’s only getting louder.
Too Many Voices, Too Much Noise
The other day I came across an article asking: “Is gentle parenting creating selfish children?”
Cue the spiral. Gentle parenting has practically become the modern-day blueprint. How could something so widely praised suddenly be questioned like that?
But that’s the problem, isn’t it?
There are too many blueprints. Too many voices. Too many “right” ways. And if you try to follow all of them, you’ll break.
Our parents didn’t have to wade through this. They raised us in a world without a constant stream of opinions shoved in their faces. There was no algorithm feeding them contradictory advice every time they had a quiet moment to scroll.
Parenting today is noisy. And overwhelming. We’re exposed to every theory, every method, every warning label about the long-term damage we’re probably doing without even realising it.
Parenting Methods Are the New Fad Diets
Gentle parenting. Conscious parenting. Authoritative parenting. Attachment parenting. Respectful parenting.
The labels go on. Each one claiming to hold the secret, each one offering a quiet suggestion that the others might be harmful.
We’re stuck in limbo. Wanting to do it right. Terrified of doing it wrong. Comparing ourselves to filtered families and curated calm. And all the while, real parenting is happening in the background.
Messy, loud, emotional, beautiful parenting.
Parenting methods have become the fad diets of modern family life.
One month we’re told this approach is the gold standard and the next, we’re warned it’ll cause long-term damage.
Like any passing trend, each method promises to be the answer. The fix. The way to raise the perfect child and feel good about yourself in the process.
But just like diets, they’re often one-size-fits-none. They overlook the individuality of our families, the complexity of our children, and the reality of our daily lives.
Your Child Is Not a Blank Slate
Here’s something we rarely talk about in all of this:
Children are not blank slates.
They are not empty whiteboards we get to write our perfect parenting methods onto. They are the result of thousands of years of human evolution, born with temperaments, preferences, sensitivities, and innate wiring.
Some research suggests children are born with up to 400 inherited personality traits and any one of them might show up, shift, or soften as they grow.
So when we try to shape them like clay, as if their behaviour is a direct reflection of whether we’re parenting “correctly,” we’re missing the point.
Children are not problems to be fixed. And parents are not outlets to be blamed for every behaviour that surfaces.
We’re not starting from scratch, we’re meeting a fully formed person, layer by layer.
Parenting isn’t about perfect input creating perfect output. It’s about relationship. Connection. Adaptability. Grace.
It’s Not About Doing It Right — It’s About Showing Up
So what if the real issue isn’t whether a parenting style is right or wrong but that we’re made to feel there is a right or wrong in the first place?
Because when we believe that, we stop trusting ourselves. We turn parenting into a checklist. A formula. A job with KPIs instead of a relationship with heart.
We spend so long looking outward for answers that we stop looking inward at our own instincts, our own child, our own family rhythm. We parent with fear, not with trust.
But here’s a thought: what if we just… stopped?
Stopped trying to fit into a parenting method like it’s a pair of jeans we’re desperately trying to squeeze into. Stopped chasing the version of ourselves we think we’re supposed to be. Stopped trying to perform parenting and started being parents.
Because our kids don’t need us to get it right every time. They need us to show up fully, honestly, imperfectly.
They need connection, not perfection. They need us to be humans who get it wrong, say sorry, and try again.
Let Go of Perfect — Lean Into Present
So no, parenting isn’t about finding the one method that guarantees success. That doesn’t exist.
It’s about tuning out the noise. It’s about choosing the road that makes sense for your family and knowing it won’t be straight, or smooth, or Instagram-worthy. It’s about presence, not pressure.
And maybe instead of constantly asking, “Am I doing this right?”,
we ask instead, “Am I showing up with love, even when it’s messy?”
Because if the answer is yes — then you’re doing just fine.
If this resonated with you, send it to another parent who’s tired of feeling like they’re doing it all wrong. Let’s remind each other that being real beats being perfect — every single time.
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